(continued from part 1)

Me: "Can this path be changed? Or it's just the way it is"

LP: "It's a habit... sometimes just find a way to relax you mind like reading a joyful book or some sutras that make you feel joyful for freshness. If you really can't, just simply go to feed fishes. In many temples, there are fish ponds. Just buy some foods and feed them. It makes you feel happy, then observe the mind filled with peace and happiness. Making a merit brings us happiness. When you feed them, if the bigger fishes grab all the foods away from the smaller ones, anger arises, the soul of guardian of the hell occupies, and feel that it's not fair. Know that anger."

...the conversation interrupted for a while...

LP: "There are two kinds of mind that can be used in samatha, "Infinite Space" and "Nothingness". Have you ever study Abhidharma?"

Me: "Yes"

LP: "Right. There are two kinds [of mind]. When we observe the mind, if we observe the changing movement [of the mind], we see The Three Characteristics, if we need to rest, we just pause the mind at the emptiness. Do you feel that when you close your eyes, there is emptiness/nothingness? Just go in there."

Me: "I don't go there because I feel it is going to avoid [the world]."

LP: "Yes, it'll avoid. It's an avoiding place. It's a sleeping place."

Me: "But, it's okay to do so, isn't it?"

LP: "If [the mind] works, it needs a sleep. If it don't go to sleep, it'll be tried. But if it sleeps for too long, it'll be lazy. And it won't go out [of the emptiness/nothingness]."

Luangphaw Pramote: "Use this principle, no matter what happen just observing the mind. If it gets bored, don't follow it, if it gets lazy, don't follow it. Bordom, know bordom. Laziness know laziness."

Me: "But I see as what you said, the dualistic of dharma, and when there are two... when I  escape this way, it is escaping. It can't go beyond because that escaping itself is suffering."

LP: "Yes, the mind keeps forming itself"

Me: "Until it get bored"

LP: "Umm, Let's it get bored. Do you feel that you try to find the way out? Fight! Fight hard as much as possible. You'll get the dharma at last. But don't quit, if you quit, you'll lose the chance."

...I complain for a little while...

LP: "Just keep observing. There's no other way. But when you practice and feel so dry, or so tried, the mind needs samatha. It needs to rest. The mind also needs to rest. Now the mind is too dry. Why does it go this dry way? Because it's "sole vipassana" way. It's a dry way. [Laugh together] You choose to walk this way so you've got to feel dry. It's struggling, but it will go there as well. It's like a long-distance traveling. At night, one may stay at a hotel, take a shower, sleep well. The other sleep outside in the jungle or on the sideway. Both will go there, but at a different struggle."

I'm a traveler.  I've slept on the sidewalk for so long, but recently I was told by an elder that there are the Hotel Emptiness along the way which I could spent a night sleep and relaxation. Besides, my good friend I also sent me a clearer map to the place I'll go. The trip is more pleasant now.

One of the attribute of vipassana is to control nothing, but just to know/feel whatever arises in the present moment. No control of consciousness to do anything, no control of body to do anything. One of the experience I have while doing walking meditation with no control is that the self tries to control life and death. It's a very subtle control that prevents us from the attunement to Kosmic Eros.

While meditating with forms without control, the shadow in each one of us can also arise. However, because the shadow is a karmic pattern of denial, it is very much an unconscious process of slipping away from our awareness. It's the process of denying from 1-person impulses and splitted to 2-person impulses and further splitted to 3-person impulses. With helps of vipassana, it is easier to find the sign of shadow by observing this kind of pattern arises: "you/he/she make me angry," "because of you, I have to be anxious," "they are THE cause of these difficulties," etc.

With the 1-2-3 process of denying, we no longer practice vipassana as well as no longer heal ourselves. An integration between spiritual practice and psychodynamic practice could be 3-2-1-0. Healing the split from 3 to 2 to 1 and then return now-reown impulses to Kosmos with the Emptiness or "0". No control and no deny.

(This entry is cross-posted at pongsathorn's blog)

One cool thing I love blogging feature here is tagging. I test this feature by cross-posting my latest entry in Pongsathorn's Blog. I find the tagging system in the "view" option after blogging instead of having this feature just right in the "new entry" feature. Just a little shift this tagging feature to the "new entry" would make a better use of tagging here, I think.

My girlfriend find a cool way to integrate iPod with vipassana. She put mp3 files of Luangphaw Pramote's teachings on "self-feeling" in her iPod and listen while she does many activities. She doesn't pay much attention to the talks thoroughly. She only hear Luangphaw's asking his students like "What are you doing?" [not your working career but your working mind], then she feel what her mind is doing. She only hear "Got lost in thought, do you feel?", if so, then she feel. "Still control your mind, do you feel?", if so, then she feel. "Sending mind out already, do you know?", if so, then she know. "Doubting, do you know?", if so, then she know. "Worrying, do you know?", if so, then she know.

She has a hundred of hours of Luangphaw Pramote's teachings and every track she will hear his words like this. It's like she has a "mindful bell" with her. However, It's not a bell sound, it's a real human voice. The bell will not be tolled every hours but randomly in the immediate present moment.